offers readers a hilarious and scientific look at how men and women differ in both their workloads and feelings about child care and home chores. And I’m certain that this period—when we are in the thick of responding to the needs of our tiny, beautiful humans, with a little less time and patience for one another—will strengthen the bond we’ve built, and deepen our ability to empathize. If you needed me, you’d find me either cradling this squirmy human and pressing his head against my aching boobs, or clenching onto my breast pumps.

In a discussion between Dunn and her husband, Tom Vanderbilt, Tom states, “What’s interesting is that things just changed on their own. Taking a page from a 2015 study published by the Families and Work Institute examining 225 single-sex couples, we divided it according to preference, rather than who “should” be doing something. Fertility, pregnancy, birth and parenthood changes us indefinitely and impacts every member of a family. I remember the littlest things would set me off, like if he breathed too loud or left his coffee mug on the counter. He watches the Braves lose five games in a row, with only a few comments from me (“This is how you relax?

Since I got married, my “love language” has become the love language of picking your shit up off the floor—because nothing kills romance or libido faster than cleaning up after someone like a 1950's housewife. By the time I had reached number twelve, tears were rolling down my cheeks — the previous summer, Tom had spent his weekends painting my parents’ whole house! I used to silently fume at Tom and bang things around in the kitchen to convey my annoyance that he wouldn’t do his share. First off, I want prospective clients —mothers especially—to know that it’s so normal to struggle with yourself, your relationship, and your sexuality while you’re adjusting to this stage of life. This can feel like such an emotional roller coaster, and all too often, the health and wellbeing of the caregiver gets lost.

I reached a boiling point one night when I was figure skating in my daughter’s diarrhea in the wee hours of the morning this past winter. Making an effort to notice this stuff was one of the best ways for us to find our way back to each other after a baby. Dunn and her husband went to couples therapy—and even consulted with an FBI crisis negotiator—to learn to fight fair, and to fight away from their daughter.

I recently stumbled across a quote that will forever live in my back pocket: Eve Rodsky, in her book Fair Play , stated: “ Resentment grows out of perceived unfairness.

These admissions are usually told to me in a whisper, because women inevitably feel self-conscious and ashamed.g., frequency of sex, who does more housework, who should get up with the child in the middle of the night, why women need to have a clean house, why men need more alone time, and many more. By using the Web site, you confirm that you have read, understood, and agreed to be bound by the Terms and Conditions. While there are small pieces within Dunn’s book that I don’t personally align with, I would recommend it to anyone about to embark on parenthood that wants to be purposeful about not letting gender roles dictate their relationship. I remember pacing through my house during those never-ending days, anxiety-filled nights and inconsolable moments with our babies where all I could hear was “ I hate you ” looping through my mind. Her favourite moments feature fresh coconuts, free-flow brunches, fitness classes, and Sunday afternoon naps.