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After destroying an innumerable multitude of living beings, it had propagated itself without respite from place to place, and so calamitously, had spread into the West. While in the book Chris’s actions may look irrational to some people, there is a reason for his actions. His desire to be loved came from childhood and his relationship with his mother. Trying to find a substitute for those feelings that he did not receive is a feasible reaction. Looking at the situation from a different perspective, it is clear that this type of relationship brings discomfort and distress to both partners. One side is suffering from obtrusive thoughts about his or her partner and the relationship, while the other side is growing weary from excessive attention. Characteristics of the Obsessive Love Wheel I authored the book at a time in my life when I was struggling with my own life challenges while also trying to be helpful to others.And so what does it mean to Confuse Love with Obsession? How do you know if you have a problem with relationship addiction or “Love Addiction” as it is commonly referred to? Dear Mr. Moore: I am in an abusive relationship with a man. Although I know he loves me, sometimes I get hit for no reason. I am not sure where to turn and would really like some help. I live on the South Side of Chicago and work downtown as a receptionist for a big company. I need to talk to someone about my problem. Is that person you? We are unable to stay at a job for long periods of time because of anxiety, or we refuse to let our partner work because we cannot be there to monitor her. This is a common characteristic for those of us who confuse love with obsession. Examples of this type of behavior include the following: We restrict a partner’s ability to communicate with and/or have friends. We view a partner’s personal friendships as a threat to our relationship. We approve or disapprove of the company that she keeps. Our actions may include the following: Love is great. You’ve finally found someone who finds all your little quirks endearing, and who you can share your spit with.

On the other hand, from an outward perceptive, one will need to learn and understand the behavior of the people they are interested. From table 8.7, there is a loving type that is primarily based on the other person looks. As such, although looks may be so appealing, one needs to understand the other person behavior and scan for traces of obsessive traits as detailed in Moore’s book. I concur with this understanding since it creates a desirable situation where one will need to take time before entering into a commitment with another since one will only have a fair understanding of another after they have spent sufficient time together. The approach, therefore, seems to be leaning to stodge form of loving. The form of loving is based on friendship that gradually grows into a commitment. Although this route is quite slow, it is a relatively safe approach to a relationship compared to Eros, Mania, and Ludus. Also, since understanding another person behavior will involve logical decisions, it means that the approach to thoroughly understand another person will also lean towards pragma form of love (Miller, 2014). Therefore, loving somebody is not entirely a matter of the heart. One will need to think through before getting into any commitment for one to increase chances of having a healthy relationship. The reading affirm my personal view on mate selecting since mate selecting can be viewed as a calculated risk that is guided by personal interest and heart desires but embraces rationalism. References Confusing love with obsession : when being in love means being in control / John D. Moore. —3rd ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN-13: 978-1-59285-356-4 ISBN-10: 1-59285-356-0

So I try to keep a low profile when he comes home,” Kate said. “I usually have dinner ready for him when he walks through the door, and of course the apartment is always spotless. But sometimes, if I have to work late, I am not able to get home before he does; that gets him pissed. I’ve actually given thought to quitting my job so that I can be home more for him.” Frustrated and now more reflective, she scuffed at the ground again, causing tiny bits of pebble to scatter. “I am not sure what happened, because he wasn’t like this when we first met. It was only after I moved in with him and we settled into the relationship that I began to notice his temperament. Actually, he is nothing like the person I had first met. I know I said this before, but I really should walk away from him.” “Run away is more like it,” I wanted to say, but I remained silent. She continued talking about all of the things that “pissed Peter off,” as she put it. She revealed that part of being in a relationship with him meant having to perform certain duties. Kate was expected to do all of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and laundering. If she did not meet his exact expectations, she was punished. Such punishments might include the silent treatment, verbal abuse, and physical abuse. Kate gave me every indication that while intellectually she knew her relationship with Peter was unhealthy, emotionally she was incapable of leaving him. As is common with people who confuse love with obsession, there is a place between fear and hope that traps a person in the misguided belief that she can somehow fix her partner. I wanted to know more about why she had chosen to stay with Peter, and so I asked, “Kate, if you know that he is mistreating you in such a horrible way, why are you still with him?” She took a few moments to think before giving her response: “I don’t know, to be honest with you. I think partly because I love him, and partly because I think I can help him change—you know, to become the person he was when we first met. I honestly believe that love conquers all.” “And what if love isn’t enough and he keeps abusing you?” I asked. “That’s not going to happen—he will change! He has got to change, or I don’t know what I will do.” She turned her head toward the lake again, and I could tell An inability to sleep or erratic sleeping patterns Shaking or tremors Severe restlessness The chills (caused by decreased circulation) Increased anxieties An extreme loss of appetite An overwhelming feeling of “electric fleas” on the skin (itching) Chronic diarrhea General disorientation to time or place An inability to concentrate ORP PHASE THREE: THE OBSESSION PHASE This particular phase is typified by a rapid escalation of the disease process. It is at this critical point when extreme, obsessive activities begin to become apparent, ultimately overwhelming our life. Phase three is characterized by a total loss of control of personal behaviors, leading to extreme anxiety. Nothing matters at this point other than making a connection with the object of our obsession. In this stage, the following traits, characteristics, and behaviors are usually present: All of the above behaviors and actions are extremely damaging to a child’s overall development and sense of self-esteem. Children who grow up in abusive homes often grow up to be abusers and to fear abandonment in their intimate relationships, which may explain the next characteristic.