How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

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Who has energy for sex when you’re caught in a mudslide? Many new mothers feel like sex is just another demand on their time and bodies, and it’s often easier to say “not tonight, dear, I have a long Netflix queue.” Dunn cites research that claims the marital “sweet spot” for sex frequency is once a week, and that the ideal length of time for intercourse is seven-13 minutes. That’s really not a lot of time—and if you, as Dunn did, ask your husband to take some of the evening routine off your plate by putting the kids to bed a tad early, it won’t cut into your precious, precious, sleep time. It's not surprising, then, that everything Dunn covers in this book I've heard before. Although there was nothing new for me, I probably would still recommend this book, simply because it brings a number of good ideas together into one place, and it presents everything as easy to implement pieces of advice.

Working with your partner allows you to examine your own take on marriage from an objective point of view. Dunn learned the compelling research finding that babies as young as six months release a stress hormone when they hear their parents fighting (and Brain Rules for Baby, the first baby book I read, would suggest the impact starts even younger). Yell Electronically If you only ever read one self-help book let it be this one. It's almost a five for one deal in that the author has painstakingly researched and ferreted out the best of the best in various areas of psychology that is vital for a healthy marriage.Dunn and her husband went to couples therapy—and even consulted with an FBI crisis negotiator—to learn to fight fair, and to fight away from their daughter. They learned techniques such as “mirroring,” when the person echoes what the other person just said, and paraphrasing the gist of their complaint. She said, “And sometimes you have to laugh because the paraphrasing is wildly off—‘You’re angry because I stepped around you while you were emptying the dishwasher’—‘No, I’m angry because you stood there jingling your keys and saying let’s go instead of offering to help.’” That’s not to say love is shallow and you only married him for his looks, but sexual and physical attraction is a very human need. The Problem: One of the most common reasons why spouses start hating each other is that they associate the dullness of their lives with each other. Intimacy is far more important than most people realize. As a new parent, learning how not to hate your spouse after kids has a lot to do with sex. Immediately after giving birth, sex might seem laborious and at times impossible. However, if this becomes a standing trend, it will start to dampen the best parts of your relationship. There was an obvious love in the air when you two were together because you cared about each other — each other’s wants and needs, thoughts and opinions.

Most of the time, women don’t always understand how something so pure can turn into something so disdainful. Now that you’re married, you can’t seem to reconcile what your spouse wants with what you understand of marriage. I already knew I loved my husband, but Jancee Dunn's book makes me realize how much I owe it to my kids to love their father harder and more visibly. And maybe to take a big timeout the next time I want to run over his pipe collection with my jog stroller." If you’re truly married to a narcissist, then you’re with someone who has spent a lifetime manipulating people for their own needs. There’s no reason as to why you should have to deal with unnecessary stress during the most exciting years of your life. For this reason, it’s better to seek the guidance you need before your relationship becomes unrecognizable. Final Thoughts

12) You Have Big Differences That You Never Addressed

Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained.... A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after the birth of their child." Nor is a tantric marathon required; a meta-analysis of over 25,000 people found that the optimal frequency of sex for couples, no matter how long they have been together, is once a week. A 2008 survey of 50 sex researchers found that the perfect stretch of time for intercourse is… seven to 13 minutes. Even the busiest among us can manage that. What You Could Do: Be straightforward with him and tell him that you signed up to be his wife, an equal partner, and not a caregiver. he idea of counseling is often pretty frightening to people, and the idea of doing those sessions with another person can be downright terrifying Enter Jancee, her well-meaning but blithely unhelpful husband, their daughter, and her boisterous extended family, who show us the ways in which outmoded family patterns and traditions thwart the overworked, overloaded parents of today.