The synopsis calls Patricia Wants to Cuddle “a whirlwind romp.” I must have missed something because those aren’t the words I’d use to describe this story at all. Allen is smart-as-hell, but inclusive and impassioned. Hers' might not be the book all the gay boys are talking about in an exclusive NYC salon, but it is the book the rest of us can read aloud at the kitchen table with our queer family and our blood family, with our chosen sisters and our yet-to-be-educated uncles...So many wonderful books get written for the NYC and San Francisco LGBTQ community. I'm glad Samantha Allen wrote Real Queer America for the rest of us."―Lambda Literary And as she and the other contestants begin their final challenges, they slowly start to realise that the island they've been taken to is hiding a terrifying secret - one that could make the final Elimination Event all too real. In this clever combination of easy travelogue and thoughtful exploration of queerness in America, journalist Allen retraces her transformation from a Mormon missionary in Utah to a transgender woman living happily in rural Florida...Queer readers will nod knowingly at the descriptions of finding gay-friendly hangouts and questioning whether public hand-holding is safe in a new area, and readers without that experience will still enjoy Allen's charming, humorous recounting of the ultimate road trip through rainbow-colored America."―Publishers Weekly I've never read any of the authors other works, but I might have to because wow I absolutely loved everything about this writing - the POV switches, the dialogue, EVERYTHING. Hell, I don't think there's a single main character in this I'd actually want to meet in real life, but I LOVED them! They were all awful, terrible people (with a couple exceptions) but they were also so much fun to read and worked perfectly with the story.

The story starts as a Bachelor-type show that is down to the final four girls. I enjoyed getting to know all the different contestants and seeing the producers working behind the scenes. This final four portion of the show takes place on an island in the Pacific Northwest and the island itself is like a character in the story. It's a little creepy and definitely sets a mildly unsettling tone. There are also some residents on the island who occasionally cross paths with the contestants. Later on in the book, there is a major shift and it becomes a gory slasher horror story. I don't want to give more specifics than that, but please just know that it does get violent and a bit dark so be prepared! There's a lot to like here, number one being the characters, because Samantha Allen nails certain types while giving them some wiggle room to be more than their expected types. The contestants at least; those four women were given most of the focus, as you'd expect. I could have done with just a bit more for some of the others (make me care if you're going to slaughter people, I beg of authors in general, I want it to matter!). I enjoyed this, though not quite as much as the blurb would have me believe I would. Patricia Wants to Cuddle hits all the notes that make reality tv such a guilty pleasure, and marries that to a pretty great monster premise, all set in the gorgeous woods of an island off the coast of the Pacific Northwest.It is great to encounter my favorite parts a second time; within the last twenty percent of the book, the figurative language involving a weathervane and a turkey absolutely slay me. Amanda fidgets in the seat to Renee’s right, brushing her middle-parted strawberry blond hair out of her face before dropping her hands to her lap. Some empty pretzel bags are prettier than others, Renee muses, catching herself staring at Amanda’s nose. She tries to decide whether she was born with it, or whether a surgeon had shaped it into a perfect button, though the answer isn’t important, because it’s cute either way.

I absolutely loved this book. Honestly, I think the less you know about it before reading, the better, because it's a wild ride. All of the character interactions and drama and connections felt completely pointless. At some points it felt like there was going to be some sort of development or greater understanding, but it just got thrown into the chaotic dumpster fire that made up the many half baked elements of this story. And I get that the male suitor is supposed to be a prop and is manufactured chauvinistic garbage, but once again ANY character development would be helpful. He was so flat and unoriginal. It’s down to the final four on this season’s The Catch and you know what that means? DESTINATION DATE TIME! Follow along as the ladies vie for the attention of eligible bachelor (and scuzzoid) Jeremy.The plane tilts down at a steeper grade, then banks right. Through the window just past Amanda’s face, Renee can see the Seattle skyline come into view, a thousand white lights blinking against the inky night, construction cranes like enormous glowing crosses filling the few empty spaces between buildings.

The stars are shining over them by the thousands, an otherworldly reminder of the television viewers that all of this was ostensibly for, except unlike Nielsen sets, the lights in the sky are silent and permanent, completely unmoved by the proceedings below. Genuinely funny, surprising, and even—at times—heartwarming. Recommended for fans of Grady Hendrix or Jessica Knoll.” - Diana Platt, Booklist Writing is tough. Making a living through writing is nigh impossible lately. And here I am, hoping for one Bon Jovi-style blaze of glory before I fade into obscurity. But really, truly, I want to keep doing this. A comedic approach to horror doesn’t always land, especially when it relies heavily on satire. However, I think Samantha Allen was able to find a good balance with “Patricia Wants to Cuddle” by adding enough campy fun to break up the criticism. She’s particularly good at incorporating dark humor into her descriptions that made me laugh out loud.

Advance Praise

I don’t know how to write a review for this without filling it with spoilers, but I’ll say that what started as a pretty clear (albeit unusual) plot unraveled into a tangled mess around the 50% mark. How can you make me not like a lesbian horror Sasquatch story? I was so excited. Gah! This book was not what I was expecting at all and it was fantastic. Perhaps one of the most eccentric books that I have ever read. Parts were really funny and bizarre. And when I say bizarre, I mean way off in left field bizarre. Bizarre in a way where I loved it the more I thought about it. Even the dating show parts were hilarious. Every damn thing about this was pure love insanity. Totally worth the read. Speaking of campy and unmet expectations - to me, a campy read should make me laugh. It shouldn’t annoy me. I shouldn’t regularly cringe over how obnoxious the characters are. I should laugh. I did not laugh. Enter Patricia, a temperamental, but woefully misunderstood local, living alone in the dark, verdant woods and desperate to forge a connection of her own. As the contestants perform for the cameras that surround them, Patricia watches from her place in the shadows, a queer specter haunting the bombastic display of heterosexuality before her. But when the cast and crew at last make her acquaintance atop the island’s tallest and most desolate peak, they soon realize that if they’re to have any hope of making it to the next Elimination Event, they’ll first have to survive the night. At first, Amanda registers it as a dog or a bear, but it looks almost human, its contours twisting into an expression that is equal parts hunger and despair - a deep, almost prehistoric longing. Some kind of monkey? On Otters Island? Amanda yells at the animal.