The Viz Book of Crap Jokes: A Pitiful Array of Poor Quality Jokes from the pages of Viz

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Nash Gordon – a futuristic benefits cheat who eventually gets found out when he goes to the benefits office planet instead of a driving range as a result of a dodgy sat-nav.

I have a Virginia creeper shooting up my kitchen garden wall and I have similar hopes for a frisky young hod-carrier called Brett,” he wrote in one column. Remarking on the reactions of his friends to all the fetching labourers working in his garden, he continued: “There are positive cat fights over who should mince outside with a tray of tea and ask, ‘Who could manage a chocolate finger?’” Gordon Zola and Cheddar George – they get up to various pranks involving cheese, until a policeman beats them to death with a giant smoked cheese "for all the cheese-related trouble you've caused" Jeremy Futcher - His Dad's a Butcher – - A strip about the titular boy who goes around solving problems with his father's select cuts of meat, only to have him being butchered.Buffalo Jill – a strip narrated in the style of 1950s–60s girls' comics, where a typical heroine from such comics (politely spoken and pony-loving) becomes a stagecoach robber in the Wild West, earning a vicious gang's respect by gorily shooting several people in the head. A reference to Buffalo Bill. The Adventures of Jeremy Clarkson, the Petrolhead Motormouth – One-off strip featuring former Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson talking extensively about cars to an uninterested Big Issue salesman. Fru T. Bunn – a "Master Baker" who makes his own sex dolls out of gingerbread and then attempts to have sex with them. Often he actually succeeds, only to be discovered in the last frame by his wife and daughter (Little Chelsea - ref to the Chelsea Bun)!! Kid Politician – a child who speaks and behaves like a politician (for example, producing dubious statistics to "prove" that he was not late for school.)

One Cut Wally – a gents' barber who gives all his customers exactly the same haircut even when they asked for something else. If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to share it with everyone. Not the money, just going to let you know that I've won. Hula-Hoop Emergency Ward – A one off strip about surgeons who attempt to save a man's life while at the same time, whirling hula hoops around their waists.The Pie-Eyed Piper – A parody of The Pied Piper of Hamelin where the titular piper is so drunk he even makes the rats get drunk. I’m in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a year’s supply of Marmite – one jar. The person who coined the phrase "as different as chalk and cheese" obviously hadn't tasted Kwik Save's cheddar. International Plywood Are Go - a parody of Thunderbirds where the Tracy family step in to help a construction company that doesn't have enough plywood to finish a housing project.