The Way I Used to Be

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These characters were so real and this was such a great portrayal of the ugly side of being a victim after rape as a teen. I loved seeing the progression from year to year and how dark Eden was becoming (also, i didn't fail to notice the name significance here, also nice apple add in there). It felt like a very natural progression for me, moving from visual art to writing. I always wrote--a lot of j …more What great questions--thanks for asking! And here is where I risk sounding insensitive. Because how dare I suggest that Eden goes through too much negative shit? Shouldn't this book show the horrible reality? Yes! Absolutely, yes! It should. But a series of terrible events does not make a good book. There are many thoughts running around in my head about this book and it's hard to decide how to write a review without sounding completely insensitive. If this were a real life account of a rape survivor, then things would be different. Every survivor has their own story to tell, each equally valid, and they don't owe anyone an interesting, convincing account of it. Fiction, though, is a little bit different.

But even though the writing was clearly heartfelt, it ended up being a double-edged sword. Eden was a very frustrating character, to say the least. She was extremely difficult to like and very easy to dislike. The way she talked to others, the way she treated the people who genuinely cared about her, her attitude in general, rankled me and got on my nerves several times. The book became a little repetitive - something happens and it triggers Eden, she lashes out at the people around her, they try to ask what's wrong and she shuts them out. And then goes into an even bigger spiral of self-hatred because she can't bring herself to say anything about why she's not okay. And this went on for at least 90% of the book. It wasn't an easy feat to stomach Eden's character for that long, because to put it quite frankly - she was a bitch to everyone she knew, even her own best friend. just like josh, mara definitely did her best. there were times that i wish she would just notice that eden was struggling and ask her about it. overall though, i thought she was a really supportive friend. I can hear him breathing on the other side of the door,breathing oddly,like,unevenly. But,no,it's not him just breathing,I realize slowly. He's crying. And I kneel there on the other side of the door that might as well be the other side of the galaxy,feeling so empty,so dead inside.” LASTLY KEVIN YOU MF I HATE YOU SO MUCH I WISH I WISH UGH I WANT TO TORTURE HIM TO DEATH. NOPE DEATH WOULD BE TOO EASY FOR HIM. I'LL JUST LEAVE HIM TO ROT TO DEATH Amber Smith's "The Way I Used to Be" is an emotional experience; I can't say that there was a point that I had a dry eye upon finishing this book. One would expect something to that effect given the difficult subject matter of the book, centering on a young woman who was raped by her brother's best friend when she was a freshman then following her downward spiral through four years of silence.

The way she was looking at herself like she’s this disgusting,worthless,ugly human being really broke my heart 💔 It was too much being in her head and seeing how she was so fragile and vulnerable on the inside but pretending to be mean and tough on the outside. I just want justice for her. She deserves everything 🫂 The first three chapters (or so) of The Way I Used To Be hooked my unlike any YA novel I’ve read. To begin the novel at Eden’s rape scene was shattering — but also gripping, because I was waiting for her to tell someone what’d happened (after all, her mother came in soon after!). And did she? Of course not. There wouldn’t be a book if she had. I feel these forbidden thoughts creep in sometimes without warning. Slow thoughts that always start quietly, like whispers you're not even sure you're hearing. And then they get louder and louder until they become every sound in the entire world. Thoughts that can't be undone. I hate that just because you happen to be good at something,people automatically think that's what makes you happy,but it's not really like that, you know? It's not that simple.” Authors, if you are a member of the Goodreads Author Program, you can edit information about your own books. Find out how in this guide.

The pacing in some parts of the books was too fast. We were robbed for many of the important scenes! When and how she started calling her parents by their names not Mom and Dad. Then my mom shakes the robe at me, offering me a lie I didn’t even need to think up. She starts getting that look in her eye—that impatient, it’s-the-holidays-and-I-don’t-have-time-for-this look. Clearly, it was time for me to get going so she could deal with this mess. And clearly, nobody was going to hear me. Nobody was going to see me—he knew that. He had been around long enough to know how things work here.It’s not often that I’m at a loss for words, because, well, I’m a writer, and usually I have too many words for any given situation. But after finishing this book, my heart was pounding and I couldn’t find words big enough to describe how brilliant, beautiful, and powerful it is. Those words just don’t seem to do it justice. None do. WRONG. All stories of survival, whether individual or group, are valid. But at the end of the day, Eden is a fictional character. Narratives like hers shape how real people think of and treat rape survivors and make people think “Oh, they must not really be a rape victim because _______” if they don’t act like Eden or countless other other fictional characters who survived rape. They reinforce misconceptions instead of bringing attention to the fact survivors react in more than just a handful of ways. i didn't want to read this book. i read to escape my life. i want to read about perfect boys who would never hurt anyone and perfect worlds where these boys exist and strong girls with powers that no one could ever hurt. i dont want to read about horrors ive lived through because that's not why i read. i knew this would be triggering for me so i didnt read it. The Way I Used to Be was very difficult for me to rate. I struggled between adequately appreciating the important themes and messages in the book, while pointing out its flaws without seeming insensitive. How to walk the thin line between constructive criticism and plain callousness for all the victims whose stories were told in this book? I ended up rating it three stars, which in Goodreads means I "liked it". Which I did. There were just some points which kept me from rating it 4 stars or above, which I will touch on later in my review. Before I begin, I just want to throw a disclaimer out there that I am in no way invalidating anyone's experiences, victim or no. Nor am I "comparing" experiences in terms of the amount of trauma experienced. I'm just writing an honest review for a book. And if I come across in any way insensitive or callous, please do not hesitate to tell me immediately.

By the time I get out of the shower—still dirty, after scrubbing my body raw, thinking I could maybe wash the bruises off—there he is. Sitting at my kitchen table in my dining room with my brother, my father, my mother, sipping my orange juice from my glass—his mouth on a glass I would have to use someday. On a fork that would soon be undifferentiated from all the other forks. His fingerprints not only all over every inch of me, but all over everything: this house, my life, the world—infected with him.

As the novel continues through Eden’s 4 years of high school, it subtly (and not so subtly) shows how the rape changed her forever. Now, obviously, anyone would be a different person after such a traumatic event. That being said, it doesn’t mean I have to like the changed person afterwards. My example being: Eden. I thought she was fine in the beginning, but the person she turned into was terrible and heartbreaking. I didn’t like her at all. Not only that, but alongside her terrible character, I noticed that some of the chapters were not nearly as good as the others—noticeably so. So even with the extended-timeline draw Smith fails to utilize to its full potential, this is just another forgettable SA/A novel that acts like responses other than fear or hypersexuality don’t happen. Survivors who didn’t react either way (like me) are yet again alienated and ignored in SA/A survival narratives. I can name three novels off the top of my head that follow all the same paths and hit all the same notes. It’s an unoriginal novel about an experience so varied writers should never run out of new narratives to introduce the world to. We are not tropes. The Way I Used To Be is a debut novel that shares the story of Eden who struggles to find strength in the aftermath of an assault. Starting high school didn't change anything for Eden, she is still the good girl she ever was. But her world crashes down the night her brother's best friend rapes her in her own bedroom. Everything that was simle becomes complex. All that she loved, she now hates. Nothing makes sense anymore. She knows she should say something, but she can't, instead buring everything that has happened. And she buries the way she used to be.

i loved reading this book. even after putting it down after the first chapter i couldn't help myself but think about continuing. and so it went on: i woke up in the morning and basically flew to this book. 🙃 Thank you thank you Cara bby for reading this with me! God I'm so glad I reached out to you couldn't have done this without you. I always have so much fun reading with you.💖💖-- The lovely young lady gets raped by the best friend of his brother. Thirteen years old. How a brief period of time—just five minutes—can completely alter your personality and transform you into someone you never would have imagined becoming.This such a beautiful, heart wrenching story i think everyone should read it once in their lifetime. It’s so sad and real, I can’t describe how much i love and i hate it at the same time. But that’s not what’s going to happen today, I know, as I sit in my bed, staring at my stained skin in disbelief, my hand shaking as I press it against my mouth.